The Space Between

Let's set a scene...

Song: Innerlight by Elderbrook

Location: The eastside of Austin, TX

I'm walking back and forth between two dog sitting gigs trying to make sure everyone is feed, walked and has plenty of attention. The notion is only ironic because I barely do that for myself and rarely feel guilty when I have to skip one those things for me, yet for these pups I stay on top of it. The 15 minute space between houses has become my me time this week, I really like it. It's quiet in the morning... the only sounds are the construction, trains coming to and from and the leaves blowing around on the concrete. I'd say it's eerie but I honestly enjoy the strangeness of it all as I walk past the station.

I imagine breaking out into song and dance alone on the empty platform. I don't know why I didn't actually do it, it's not like there was anyone here to watch regardless. I also entertained the idea in my head about this being a movie scene. The kind of movie where you run up to me and expel some, unbeknownst to me, desires (yeah right, I already know what I'd want you to say and if it didn't seem so damn crazy for me to say yes right then and there I would too). I'd be magical, I'd probably cry and we'd dance to the music blasting from the speakers at the station...

"So you wanna dance And you wanna be A bat out of hell Follow my lead You wanna dance You don't know how to get it on the floor Then don't hold back for anyone Close your eyes, just follow the inner light You count on me"

Unfortunately, there is no music FR FR. Are there even speakers here? God, I wish life was more like a movie. I put my earbuds back in and continue listening to Innerlight. I know my mind is powerful... so I create the scene from the movie in my head and now it's a memory, as if it actually happened. Here is a video of the scene where my movie was shot and recorded. I guess we can rightfully call it, "The Space Between", and unless you can find a way to get into my head there will be no premiere.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/86a2cd_7c5adeb1967c4f7cac7551490731c71f/720p/mp4/file.mp4

There is this little garden-esque space right after Saltillo Station. I've walked by it probably 15 times and never stopped but on this day I did. I smile, just a bit, thinking to myself, "ahhh, a sign from the universe". Who knows if it's actually a sign or merely a coincidence. If you know me, then you know that I like to think that our guides are out there loving and protecting and giving us a reason to go on most days. So, I run with this idea and spend some time thinking about us. I'm a big fan of wild flowers and the colors purple and yellow remind me of you. You, yellow, bright like the sun. Energy on fleek, creative, happy and endlessly optimistic. Me, purple, the combine effort of fierce red and stable blue. Full of devotion, independence and magic. The universe apparently sprinkled in the youth and playfulness of this random pink sprig of life. It makes me believe that you and I will have another chance. Will it be? Will it feel like falling in love again for the first time? If I'm consulting the flowers, then the answer is clearly a yes!

It just feels right to imagine you here with me. I'm not trying to make this moment all about you but it's happening and I made a promise to spend more time with the thoughts/emotions that come up naturally. I'm not banking on them being real. I'm not so foolish to think that every notion that strikes me is reality. But, for just 10 minutes, I experience these moments for that which they are without imposing reason or meaning, which by the way was taught to us by a sick, twisted society of egotistical people who in some way have their own mental health issues and trauma so... how much of "reason" should we really even buy into?

I look at my phone, "Oh shit", I realize I've got a meeting in 30 minutes and I still have to feed, walk and love on this dog. I pick up the pace and head to eastside station. And that's that, because even though I want to live in my creative space where my dreams are reality and I enjoy every moment... I have responsibilities. I hate being an adult sometimes, I wish I could linger longer.

💜💛

Mandeebeth