Music = Healing
- Oct 7, 2021
- 11 min read
Ok, ok, ok. I don't have the right words to describe last weekend, honestly the last week of my life, but it's definitely something I'll want to look back on so I'll do my best to document the details here, it's gonna be a long one because I'm covering at minimum 3 magical days.
ACL Fest 2021 WKD 1... DAMN ZADDY!
I won't play like the weekend went off without a hitch, in fact Friday started very sad for me. Manar and I have been chatting since last year and came up with this idea that instead of having me do traditional ACL volunteer work (I do this every year, I think it's such a fun way to give back) that I would be in charge of the Austin Parks Foundation social media content. I have been looking forward to this for months because I felt like this was a big deal, this would be something worth stating when trying to build my own social media brand and maybe even open doors for me to do more locally in Austin. BUT, I wasn't supposed to do it alone and yet there I was walking to the park on Friday just riddled with thoughts of her. How "she should be here", and that "it won't be the same without her", blah blah blah. I truly did not have the jive and motivation that I once felt about this gig and the only reason I showed up was because I said I would (pathetic henny). Universe had different plans, I really should stay trusting her more.
DAY 1
I arrive decently early and spent the entire afternoon getting all kind of content. I also send off some work to the APF Marketing Director. It was pretty lonely, just me, myself and I but also peaceful to just be in my own energy as I wasn't doing the best from the morning I had. As my shift ends I catch some of Megan Thee Stallion then wander off to get a drink. Ultimately, ended up at ZHU's stage. MAGICK! It's exactly where I needed to be, and for the first time all day I felt myself light up a little (OPE... Mandee? Was that a smile?) Anyways, the guy with the broom and "Working For It" brought me back to life. It was in that moment that I realized I need to open my heart to this magical weekend and the lifetime of experiences that are in front of me. AND oh mandeebeth, if you thought this was a good moment just wait...
I had some time to kill and even though the ACL Fest frame line was long, I figured why the hell not? I jumped in line. I chatted up a girl who said she would take my picture if I took hers and we proceeded to hype each other the whole way to the front. She hyped me well beyond one photo, she had me laughing and loving life and I couldn't help but smile because that is some shit I would do... it felt good to have it returned from a stranger. I still hope that where ever she is at in life right now that it's treating her really good.
I knew I would close the night out with Miley but wanted to make time to mingle with Tomas & Carlos first, I haven't seen them since their recent engagement. ADORABLE! All of them, all of their love, all of their energy. We caught up, I adoringly stared into Tomas's eyes as he retold the story and talked about their wedding plans. I was honestly impressed they had even started thinking about the wedding already. They were set to see George go on and I was already at their stage so I stayed for two songs then headed to Honda! I closed out the night with Miley, she was phenomenal. Favorite song? ..."Plastic Hearts" probably because of the lyrics feel relevant but the line "I just wanna feel somethin'"... yea I've been really wanting to feel something lately from myself, been wanting her to light up. Which is cool, because this was literally the prelude to the weekend that did just that!
Pull you in, but don't you get too close Love you now, but not tomorrow Wrong to steal, but not to borrow Pull you in, but don't you get too close I've been California dreamin' Plastic hearts are bleedin' Keep me up all night Lost in black hole conversation Sunrise suffocation Keep me up all night I just wanna feel I just wanna feel somethin' But I keep feeling nothin' all night long
I slipped out a little early because I didn't want to deal with the crowd and I had to be back at 10am. I walked 45 minutes back to the bungalow and stopped for a chocolate ice cream cone. It was delicious so I'm glad I went 5 minutes out of the way for it. I also got stopped by a train and had to wait. I had my airpods in and was munching on my ice cream so I didn't notice the man standing directly behind me. It scared the shit out of me when I turned around. He took like 5 steps back and apologized profusely, I laughed and told him it was all good. His name was Charles and we happened to be taking the same path back so we talked. He was headed to his son's place, who was set to play a championship game in the morning. It truly warmed my heart to hear this man gush about his son. He asked what I did and if I enjoyed the festival to which I gave my work spiel and said absolutely. We thanked each other for the company and he veered off, what a lovely encounter.
DAY 2
I was running late this morning because I had two separate dog sitting gigs and had to get everyone situated until I was able to come back in the afternoon to check on them. It wasn't a big deal though because like I said my volunteer work is a little unique compared to most of the festival volunteer work. Also, I was in such a good mood. I packed up my water and my coffee and started my 45 minute walk to the park. When I arrived Manar had all the things waiting for me so I got started right way. There's nothing really to say about the morning except that I got into the park before it opened and nabbed this clean photo at the ACL Fest Sign with another guy who wanted the same. The creative inspiration took over and I made like 3 videos, sent along a crap load of photo content and we started posting early that day. I felt like I got my groove back and I was GRATEFUL for it. I also met a shit load of dope volunteers!
In the afternoon I started my 45 minute trek back to the bungalow & S 2nd. I stopped for Doritos and a red bull because, DUH. The afternoon, when I was taking care of responsibilities is when this day starts gets littyyyy. My friend Anna is sad that she had to sell her tickets, so I'm like "girl, we can get you in to the park it can't be that hard". I post some shiz on Insta about needing an extra wristband and get tons of, yea I got one for $150 and blah blah but the point is that she needed to save money, which is why she sold hers. BUT, I'm saying, my dude Brandon always comes through. I get the DM, "I just acquired a 3-day pass but can't go today". WHAAAA! I'm doing the math in my head.. Anna gets off work in 30 minutes, I can pick her up at Wheelhouse. Can the girl with the wristbands meet at Whole Foods? I can park my car there and it's only a 30 minute walk to the park. Doja goes on at 6:20 and we CAN'T miss that, but we'll need time for food and drinks before. Oh Shit! We need to move now. Let's go go go! The stars aligned and it couldn't have been more perfect, the universe knew I needed a crew that night.
Once we get into the park we tear off, Anna in charge of drinks, me, food. Then we meet up with my boys Nick & Travell. We are ready to find the last members of our crew, my new friends, Austyn & Kady. Holy Shit, we got drunk (any maybe a little high), Doja slayed and there were so many moments from that set that I will never forget. I look around grateful as fuck for this squad, who are the epitome of hype. This wasn't just a good time though, this was also love and loyalty, a safe space. I haven't felt all that safe as of lately so again, gratitude.
After Doja we all have different plans so we peel off and go our separate ways. I was high on life, this was the best day ever, and I knew Rufus was coming up next which I have been looking forward to. I just have to kill an hour. I hit Alison Wonderland for some dj vibes, in hindsight I wish I hadn't, more on this in a minute butttt everything happens for a reason and I think it made the rest of the night with myself more intimate because it def put me in a place. I'm digging the vibe of the crowd, and her, until around 10 minutes in... "please god no, not this song!" She's mixing our song. The song floods my mind with memories, laughter in the fall exactly 1 year ago, opening up and healing together and yep, the missing her is back.. aaaaafuckingain, great. I literally scream at the universe, "I don't get it", "Whyyyy", "What's the point", "Why can't we just let that shit go".
For 2.5 seconds I think to myself "I'm gonna send it to her" this is sign that I should reach out. Instead, I texted Anna and it went something like this:
Me: "Anna, this DJ is mixing our song, I just happened to be recording when it switched. I'm going to send it to her"
Anna: "Noooooo. We are not going to do that"
Anna: "It's too soon"
Anna: "Do"
Anna: "Not"
Anna: "Do it"
Anna: "Austyn says no"
Anna: "Mandee... did you send it to her"
Me: "No, I didn't. For 2.5 seconds though I reallyyyyy wanted to"
Anna: "Ok henny, ilyyyy. goodnight"
(1.5 hours later)
Anna: "you better not be texting her"
I'm DED! This queen in so on my level, she fucking gets it if anyone does. So, for her humor and unique presence in my life right now, you guessed it... GRATEFUL! It was the conversation with her that pulled me back into what is true right now in this moment. I am at ACL Fest with some bomb ass humans, there is a little miss in my heart and that's ok but the night is mine and I got plans. Some guy saw me shed a small little tear and smiled. I wiped it away and walked away... too many strangers be seeing me crying these days (lol).
Next up, Rufus Du Sol!!! I'm actually very stoked that no one else wanted to come with me and that I got this experience to myself because it was healing in more ways that I could ever describe. Took me right back to ODESZA in 2018 (which seems to be the ongoing trend for at ACL for me). I stood next to a guy named Matt that made it his personal objective to make sure the man with the fan in front of us gave me plenty of fan action. He also introduced me to his friends 5 times (haha), but he felt safe and his energy was kind so I stayed. The songs played, one after another, each building to this intense hold me moment during "Next To Me".
Baby I knew this time would arrive I knew this time would come Ever since I first looked in your eyes I said you're the one Oh my god, oh my god Tell me I'm the one Oh my god, oh my god I want to feel you standing next to me
I literally envisioned what it would feel like if she was there next to me and then I also envisioned what it felt like to have myself standing there next to me. The ways that I have shown up for myself on this roller coaster of the past 6 months are amazing. I'm proud, so I tried to hold that energy and focus on my body, mind, spirit and soul gathering in that moment. Me handing everything over to my higher self, these are not my burdens. I called my energy back and left my wanting of things to be different than they are right there in the lawn, I did not pick them up when I left. I didn't even get a recording of that song because no fucking joke my eyes were closed and I was lost in the moment but here are some other rad moments from the set.
After everything was said and done I circled back with Anna outside of the park and we hit Cedar St. for some dranks and thanks to Brandon. There is more to be said of this evening but I think this makes for a really good closing and no one wants to hear about my Brazilian husband anyways.
DAY 3
The day started with the sweetest morning as I packed up the Bungalow and said goodbye to my sweet pupper girls, Gracie & Bessie. Music in the kitchen, door cracked open, and just really good vibes about the day ahead. I get a text from the APF Marketing Director that reads, "Mandee, will you be in the park today? I'd love to meet you." WHAAAAA... this is THEE text I dreamt about receiving when I played all this out in my head!!! I'm hype. She loves my videos and they are getting great traction on the feed and I'm buzzing. I don't know what she is going to say but today is definitely going to be a great day.
Today is also the day Brandon is gonna use that wristband so obviously we're scheming and making plans... like, "what are be getting into brah?". He is headed to ACL with his friend Kyle, whom apparently I HAVE to meet (ok, everyone says that but also I'm down) so we make plans to meet in the late afternoon. Also, Kyle snagged VIP wristbands off a shared Uber ride from someone who could only go for the first day, so sneaking into VIP is absolutely going to be a thing I am informed. Guys, I volunteer at ACL every year so I don't know shit about that VIP life.. FREE FOOD AND ALCOHOL!? Excuse me!! Hell yes, I'm in.
I'm taking pictures of the HOPE Gallery Artwork of the day for the socials and someone approaches me, "Mandee?". "Uh, yea?", I respond. "I'm ____, the Marketing Director for APF. I knew that had to be you when I saw you taking time lapses and content". She tells me thanks again for the content and videos and then we had a really good conversation. Apparently, she was also talking to the social media intern who thought maybe they could use my help! At this point I'm not sure to what degree that is but I feel connected and excited about it regardless. Check out my videos! Video 1
After sitting in the tent creating the Volunteer Thank you video for my shift it was time to hit up my boii B + Kyle. I met them by the ACL Balloon and the immediate energy was "Lets gooooo", "Catch up, Mandee". Normally, I don't ever do what I'm told but in this case I understood the assignment. I slipped on my VIP wristband and Kyle and I walk through the gates of heaven. First things first, champagne... our cups literally running over. Then GLITTER BITCHES!!!
Next, we got food. We sat on the ground picnic style and had the sweetest chats. This is the moment I fell in love with Kyle... I met my damn match and this person is not allowed to leave my life now (lol). He is so funny and also so genuine and at the risk of sounding stupidly grateful I'm gonna say it, GRATEFUL!
I only had about an hour with Kyle until we had to meet back up with B but it was the mostly beautiful way to meet a person for the first time. Kyle, henny, you are the main character. I wish I had pictures and videos of the rest of the evening because we tore the fucking festival apart but also a phone free night was literally the best thing to happen to me. I don't even want to share all the things we got into but use your imaginations and think hype vibe shit. St. Vincent was the highlight and the frequency of VIP visits for damn sure.
Let me share these two reels of Kyle + I's highlights to give you a vibe and feel:
After the festival we took a pedicab over to 4th St. and I remember there were shots and food involved. I whispered to Kyle "Make sure I make it home safe, ok?". He said, "Look who you're surrounded by. Brandon and I will def make sure you get somewhere safe, also I'm doing brunch tomorrow" (or something along those lines). The rest of the day/night/weekend is history! I can officially say I had to join the festival recovery train Monday morning and it was extremely unpleasant but my heart was full for the experience. I had no idea what ACL 2021 WKD 2 has in store but... LETS GOOOOO!
mandeebeth
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